You probably read a lot already. You should probably not waste your time here. I mean, there’s always a barrage of senseless memes and dolled up selfies of girls you could be drowning yourself in right now.

So why then are you still here? You think reading this will help you con your brain into thinking you did something productive? Did you come here to broaden your vision? To open your mind?

Well you’ve come to the wrong place then. We don’t broaden vision or open minds. We’re not some artsy, quaint barbershop putting beautiful ideas onto a canvas and reveling in the joy of original creation. We’re not.

Yet, you continue to read this, wondering what the point is or where this is headed. You want to know if this is time you can call productively spent or whiled away in the exuberance of youth. You still have hope, in all the nice things the world promises will happen to you. Just you, you special little princess.

Gotta admire your perseverance now. Seriously. You’ve really stuck to this, despite the heads ups and against your better judgment. But you’re getting exasperated now. You’ve contemplated closing this a few times now. Part of you still hopes that something will become of this. Surely, no one is that bored.

Go away. You filthy moron. We are the internet. You need to sift through pages and pages like this to get something useful out here. You were identified, baited and trolled. Take your lowly existence elsewhere and be miserable. Chut.