We all have our vices. It’s not about the vice for most of us, it’s just a place we go to where rational thought is not an eligibility criteria. A cigarette is that space for a smoker, a joint for a pothead, a drink for the drunk. It’s not the vice itself, it’s the momentary illusion of being somewhere else, an alternate state of mind where rational thought comes second to being there. Even in the company of others, there’s a kind of solitude to be had which draws you to it, again and again. That’s what makes it pathological. We need to go to that space again and explore it just a little more each time hoping to find something new. The odds are slim but we like our chances.

Of course it’s a gamble. Every smoker wants that one drag that will take him to a place so beautiful he forgets all his troubles, his nagging wife, his unappreciative boss, his general dissatisfaction with life. On the flip side though, that one drag could be the one that gives him cancer. Most drags don’t and yet some do. That’s the gamble. Every drunk wants that one drink that makes him feel so at peace with the world and yet that one drink could poison his liver. Every pothead wants that one trip that will last a lifetime, will it be this one? That’s the gamble.

My name is Yudhishtir. I am a gambler. I need to gamble with excessive amounts of money in order to achieve the same level of excitement. I need a larger quantity of norepinephrine to be secreted each time. I have made unsuccessful attempts to control my pathological urges to gamble in the past. I have jeopardized lives of others to support my addiction. I have sunk to new lows each time I have gambled. I’m am an intelligent man, often preoccupied with thoughts and in general a righteous way of life. I want to go that place every now and then where I’m not expected to be rational. This is my cognitive bias. My refusal to accept the gambler’s fallacy causes me to make systematic errors and create subjective social reality in order to evolve and make better decisions. My limited intelligence of things forces me to challenge it – a gamble it its own right. My addiction has destroyed my whole family.

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