I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing this, I guess it is because I want to recollect and capture a few memories. No, this isn’t supposed to be a love letter or anything of that sort. Nostalgia, maybe but then again I don’t know what route it will take. If it turns sappy or too candy-flossy then either bear with me or delete it. I will try to keep it on the straight road, prevent it from taking a detour, and prevent it from wandering about like a lost child.
Should I do the whole, I-set-my-eyes-upon-yours-and-was-entranced-by-it dance? Because truth be told, we both know that wasn’t how it all started, in fact we could barely stand each other. Somewhere down the line, I was charmed by your arrogance, your sense of entitlement, your intelligence but I would have rather bit my tongue than expressed it out aloud. Spoilt snob, that was what I thought you were. Turns out, I was terribly short-sighted (yes, yes, you are right). You turned out to be a lot more than just another guy. You didn’t even have to try hard, just gently spun a web around me. A web that was so well spun that I’m not even sure if it did truly happen. Maybe it is just a figment of my imagination, something I came up with to feel special.
The dance slowly began, a slow sinuous dance. Waiting to see who would give in first, who would first fall prey to temptation and when we did give in, it was amazing, it felt right, like it was always meant to be (at least it was for me). I still distinctly remember how quickly we proceeded, almost as if a dam had burst.
Our story had always been different, we were unique after all. Prided ourselves in being open minded and free. Little did I know that I had a long way to go. I struggled with bouts of jealousy and unhappiness and didn’t want to express it as I feared that it would just drive you away from me. One of the reasons why I tried to keep as much emotional distance from you as I possibly could. Partition my thoughts and actions towards you, make sure that they both don’t get muddled up. Every time I found myself falling for you, I used to remind myself that it wasn’t good for us, for our relationship (or whatever you would like to call it). How eagerly I waited for you to tell me that you loved me…
I’m glad we eventually did give our relationship a shot though. I don’t think anyone has taught me as much about myself as you have. I’ve discovered so many new facets of your personality. The way you give in so generously when you see someone who has worked for it. The way you argue passionately for something that you believe in. Your playfulness. That oh-so-sexy smirk that slowly reveals your dimples. The way you manage to mindfuck people (I’ve always admired that skill of yours). Your command over words and the way you make them bow down before you. We connect so beautifully when we are together. Every touch of yours takes me higher into planes of existence that I wasn’t even aware of. We have had so many adventures, marked so many territories. Adventures and experiences that just managed to strengthen what we shared.
All those arguments and days of self-doubt did manage to work out for the best. I learnt that two headstrong people could be best friends and lovers as long as they were honest to each other and had great taste. You inspire me at times; make me want to be a better version of myself. You make me want to push through my self-imposed boundaries, partly because I feel that you deserve someone who is the best version of themselves and I want to be that person. I hope to grow old with you. Share your dreams and ambitions. Support you and stand by you, face everything together. Would I get to do that? Maybe, maybe not. But one can always hope, can’t they? Regardless of what fate has in store for us, you will always hold a special place in my heart. I love you.
Ok, this did turn out to be a little mushy but you can’t blame a girl for lovin’.
– By Bharathi Bala
Here’s another photo of me and the author. We’re co-authors of this blog.