Okay ladies, often times you get your man really sucky gifts. And no one tells you anything because they all wanna fuck you. So here’s what, read this post, steal a few ideas and transform your life for the better.
1) Darts. If he has a dartboard, he’s gonna want darts. (If he has a plastic one or that magnetic crap, get him a real dartboard first. Also check if he wears a thong too and pretends it’s just as manly). They’re cheap too. Available at any place that sells sports goods. Don’t worry, he’s won’t turn into this guy.
2) Gym Gloves. If he works out, he’ll use em’, they’ll remind him of you and he’ll work out harder. If he doesn’t work out, it’s high time he started. So in the big picture, YOU WIN. Unless he takes it too far, starts juicing up and his nuts shrink to vatana proportions. Conversely, a yoga mat if he’s one of “those” hippy types.
3) Underwear. What it’s only sexy if we buy it for you? That’s where women are really cocky. Like you’re the only ones who require genital clothing. Doesn’t keep you from passing boner mollifying judgment, does it? “Those boxers are gay! Why does it have tiny penises on it? BITCH, how about you go to Jockey and get me new ones then? Yeah.” But a guy, you could be wearing the ugliest bra, with holes in it, one that makes your tits sag even more than they actually do and he’ll still go “Damn, that’s some sexy underwear babe! Wanna fuck?” See the difference?
4) Don’t bake a cake and expect for it suffice. Then we’ll just give you foreplay and expect for it to suffice too. Some guys aren’t strong enough to do this, so if you’ve got a pussy whipped, “can’t keep it in his pants” guy, go ahead and get him a slice cake for his birthday. The chut deserves it.
6) One of them sexay gifts. Put on a show. Bring him breakfast in bed, naked. If you don’t know how to or if you’re uncomfortable with it, he’ll appreciate it all the more. Trust me.
7) A really hot wallet. Most guys develop strange bonds with their wallets and don’t get rid of them for years after their worn out. You hate that, understandably so. But no proud sane man likes to pay good money for something that just holds money. So it makes for a perfect gift. Caution: Do not get him an Ed Hardy. That’s a slippery slope. Next thing he’s getting ploughed by some ugly bearded biker dude in a gas station restroom.
8) Strictly no photo montages/ scrap books/ pretty much anything you’d appreciate him putting in efforts to make “just for you”. No, we hate that crap. Get us a real fucking gift.
9) His favorite band poster/tshirt/concert tickets. Because you can never have enough of those. But make sure you have the right band. Second favorite won’t do.
10) Now this last one is for the pros. If you’ve already covered everything on the list or are looking for something bigger, I’m just gonna put it out there – A THREESOME. A real threesome, with 2 chicks. Not the homosexual kind.