I sat in a room full of cops, nervously going through the different fates I was likely to suffer. I wasn’t a stupid guy, everyone had realized that by now but getting caught doesn’t speak volumes about how stupid you’re not. Getting caught just sucks. It doesn’t matter if you anticipated it, or even for that matter if you get away with it. Getting caught knocks you off your pedestal and brings you crashing down, shattering your ego. Sitting in the back of a cop vehicle and being taken to meet the senior inspector is not fun.

So as I sat on a plastic chair surrounded by narcotics officers, waiting for them to finish their chai break and decide what to do with me, one of them offered me tea.

“Chai piyoge?”

“Sahab main chai nahi peeta”

“Par ganja peeta hai!” A smirk broke out on his face.

“Nahi, main actually coffee peeta hoon” was my sad but effective attempt to lighten the mood.

The station was not too different from the ones you see in Hindi movies, aesthetically unappealing, smelt of bribes and confiscated weed. Perhaps mine contributed to the unmistakable aroma too. Here’s what you need to understand about narcs, they’re not interested in putting everyone who smokes an occasional blunt behind bars. Even though the offense is criminal with a prescribed penalty of a fine upto 10,000 and imprisonment upto 6 months. Or both. You also, and I can’t stress this enough, need to not come off as an overapologetic sobby prick. You were procuring weed. Obviously it was premeditated. You left the house with the intention of scoring. Save the “It’s my friend I’m really sorry” x 100. Own up, Be sorry. don’t just act sorry, be sorry. Be curt, answer questions pertinently and whatever you do, don’t smile. Be honest. You’re fucked. So don’t lie and make your case worse.

The rest of it is just a hazy blur. But I remember the tea being quite delicious and the film I was mandated to watch on an old computer about some guy who starts off with weed and his journey to becoming a brown sugar junkie “gardulla’”. It was amusing, amongst other things, to say the least.

I’m not in any police records.

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