This is the unmistakably dull story of my pet dog. For lack of a more uncommon name, let’s call it Tommy. Tommy was an intelligent dog. In spite of being just a dog, he was more intelligent than most humans. Tommy had curly hair, wore glasses and spoke well. Once, Tommy wrote an article for his college magazine. It was about a rather homophobic comment made by a very prestigious member of the Catholic Church. It wasn’t in any way derogatory (although that wouldn’t have been out of line) or condescending. Heck, most of it was quoted from other eminent people’s responses to the same. But Tommy’s master (who I’m now having doubts was a closet homophobe herself) disapproved of his article. Tommy’s master thought it was “too controversial”. Perhaps like other pet dogs, Tommy too should’ve just copy pasted something from Wikipedia or the New York Times and submitted that as his entry.

This wasn’t the first time such grave injustice had been done unto Tommy. Tommy was often reprimanded for not attending enough lectures or some other nonsense. On more than one occasion, Tommy’s parents had been summoned to his college to snitch about his behavior. I mean, who does that?! Who calls a dogs parents to college because his attendance was 2% short of the allegedly university requirement of 75%. The very university that dishes out KTs to more than 75% students in the first year. Most of the Question paper is repeated from the last 2 years. Passing requires only 40%. Tommy cleared his prelims (with flying colors) and got great term work and did well in the internal exams but somehow, got 7 marks in his drawing paper. 7 marks! Gimme a break.

Now Tommy sits at home and writes articles that don’t get published in a 20 page college magazine. Tommy, with a publishing deal for his book about a guy who suffers from dissociated identity disorder and gets hooked on to DXM trips is just not good enough for his college magazine. So yeah, that’s the story of my pet dog, Tommy. Someone call PETA, will ya?

Tommy is not a real dog. Any resemblance to other real human beings is purely co-incidental.

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